Writing Issues and Solutions

avoid overly general intros or conclusions

The introduction is the most important part of your essay.  It’s where you most have the reader’s attention, it’s where the reader expects to see your specific argument, and it’s where, in laying out that specific argument, you also do yourself a favor, by providing yourself with a clear focus for what follows in the rest of your paper.  So don’t blow it with the deadly “warm up” or “stalling” paragraph that makes big and empty general remarks (examples: Shakespeare is everyone’s favor author; tone is very important in all literary works; Webster’s Dictionary defines tone as . . .”).  Instead, get right to your specific point about the topic.  Ruthlessly delete any warm ups or stalling.  Conclusions are less crucial than introductions, but still very important.  Do not simply summarize what you’ve said in the paper.  And don’t write anything overly general; at this point you should be able to be be even more specific than when you started. Instead, make one last, best point.  You want to wow your reader in the conclusion with how far and in what interesting direction you have taken your argument.

avoid phrases such as “I feel,” I believe.”  Rather provide evidence/analysis

Two reasons to avoid such phrases.  First, they are wordy.  “I believe Romeo is acting irresponsibly” should become “Romeo is acting irresponsibly.”  Why?  Because if you wrote it, I know you believe it.  There’s no need to preface with “I believe.”  Second, if you do preface with “I believe,” then you might feel that that’s enough.  But a reader does not care what you believe.  He or she wants you to prove it.  Excluding “I believe,” and etc. leads you to provide the evidence that supports your belief, rather than relying on the statement that you believe it.

avoid vague words

Watch out for overly general words such as “things,” “factors,” “similarities,” “differences,” “good,” “bad,” etc.  All these words can be specified much further.  What things?  What factors?  What is similar?  Etc.  When you pull up to the drive in window at McDonalds you don’t order “food.”  So don’t use the equivalents of the word “food” in your writing, especially in your thesis!

eliminate broad pronoun reference

Pronouns are words that refer back to other words, such as “he,” “she,” “they,” “it.”  A broad pronoun reference occurs if it is not clear what the word refers back to.  Just because you know, that doesn’t mean your reader will.  Pay particular attention to when there is more than one possible referent.  For example, if in the previous sentence you mention two men, then it may not be clear which man the subsequent “he” refers to.  For more help on this problem see point #3 at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/595/01/

eliminate comma splices

Commas join a dependent and an independent clause.  An independent clause can stand alone as a sentence, but a dependent clause cannot.  A comma splice occurs when a comma joins two independent clauses.  The proper punctuation to join two independent clauses is the semi-colon.  Thus “Having eaten the entire pie, I felt more than full” is correct, since the comma joins a dependent to an independent clause.  However, “I ate the entire pie, I felt more than full” is incorrect, since both clauses are independent.  For more on this problem see http://owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/index.php?category_id=2&sub_category_id=1&article_id=34

eliminate repetitious points

When you’re writing, sometimes its hard to keep track of what you’ve already said.  That’s why it’s so important to revise multiple times.  In at least one of these revisions, check to see if you’re saying the same thing twice.  If you are, you’ll need to consider whether second instance needs to be deleted, or whether you’re trying to say something new–developing your previous point–and you need to refine further the repetitious point to distinguish it from what came before.  (A third possibility is that the first instance is in the wrong place and should be deleted.)

eliminate wordiness–avoid passive voice

Except in rare cases, prefer the active to the passive voice.  “The ball was kicked by the boy” is passive voice (note that passive voice is not related to past tense).  “The boy kicked the ball” is active voice.  A form of “to be” (“is,” “was,” “were,” etc.) is a sign of passive voice, as well as other wordy sentence forms.  See eliminating wordiness–forms of “to be” below.  For more information on this issue, see http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/539/05/ Note: it is very difficult to eliminate wordiness when you’re writing your first draft.  You need multiple revisions of your work, with one just focused on eliminating wordiness.

eliminate wordiness–cut redundancy

Ruthlessly cut out any redundancy in your sentences.  For example, consider the sentence, “The example given in our textbook is an example of redundancy.”  Yuck.  Revise to “Our textbook gives an example of redundancy.”  For lots more on this issue and how to revise see point #2 at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/01/  Note: it is very difficult to eliminate wordiness when you’re writing your first draft.  You need multiple revisions of your work, with one just focused on eliminating wordiness.

eliminate wordiness–weak qualifiers

Weak qualified are words such as “very,” “really,” “kind of,” etc.  They usually precede an adjective.  The car was “very red.”  Rather than strengthen your point, they weaken it.  If the red is sensational, then say that: the car was “deep red,” “a sensational red,” etc.  For more on this issue see point #2 at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/02/ Note: it is very difficult to eliminate wordiness when you’re writing your first draft.  You need multiple revisions of your work, with one just focused on eliminating wordiness.

eliminate wordiness–use active verbs rather than forms of “to be”

Overuse of forms of the verb “to be” in the construction of sentences causes significant wordiness.  It’s easy to fix this problem.  Any time you find yourself writing a form of “to be” ask yourself: “Could I write this sentence instead with an active verb?”

• One source of “to be” verbs is passive voice (see above).
•  Another common source is called “nominalization,” when a sentence uses the noun form of a verb + “to be” rather than the verb.  For example, “Romeo and Juliet is a description of an intense love” should be revised to “Romeo and Juliet describes an intense love.”  For more on this problem and fixing it see point #2 at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/04/
• A third common source of excessive “to be” verbs comes from what are called “expletives” at the beginnings of sentences (or sometimes elsewhere).  Examples are “this is a book that claims that Romeo is silly,” which should be revised to “this book claims that Romeo is silly” or “it is a book with much drama,” which can be revised to “this dramatic book…”  For more on this issue see point #1 at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/04/

Note: it is very difficult to eliminate wordiness when you’re writing your first draft.  You need multiple revisions of your work, with one just focused on eliminating wordiness.  If you have particular problems with forms of “to be,” circle every form of “to be” you find in your draft, and try to rewrite the sentence that contains it with an active verb.

eliminate wordiness–combine sentences

Lots of short sentences, or sentences that repeat the same subject can be wordy.  For example, “John made blueberry pie.”  “John ate it all up.”  could be changed to “John made blueberry and ate it all up.”  Even better would be “After John made blueberry pie, he ate it all up.”  This last formulation is the best because the “after” describes a relationship (the “and” just neutrally links two ideas) and because “after turns the first clause into a dependent clause.  Often a sentence with a dependent and an independent clause is more interesting than one (as in the first revision) with two independent clauses.  Though the best rule is to have lots of different kinds of sentences, and to use the right kind for what you want to say.  For more on sentence combining see http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/sentence-patterns/

eliminate wordiness–self reference (“I believe,” etc.)

See above under “avoid phrases such as ‘I feel,’ ‘I believe.’”

fix “naked this.”

The “naked this” is a particularly frequent form of broad pronoun reference.  It means that you are using the demonstrative pronoun “this” without a noun following it to clarify the reference.  For example, “He baked two pies, and ate one slice.  This made him happy.”  What made him happy.  Baking two pies?  Baking two pies but only eating one slice?  Or just the slice of pie itself?  All three are possible, and we can’t know which without a noun or brief phrase following the “this,” such as “This slice made him happy” or “this self-control made him happy.”  Even when the reference is less ambiguous, it always good writing practice to follow a “this” with some specifying noun.  For more explanation and another example see http://www.uhv.edu/ac/newsletters/writing/grammartip2004.08.24.html  This error is  easy to find in revision, by circling and fixing all instances of “this” when it stands alone, without a noun or brief phrase following.

fix apostrophe errors

Be sure to keep straight the use of s as a verb ending or to make a noun plural versus the use of ‘s or s’ to designate possession.  For more on this problem see http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/621/01/

fix misplaced modifiers

Misplaced modifiers occur when a modifying phrase does not sit adjacent to the thing it modifies.  For example, “The pie was made with love, which was blueberry” needs to be revised since “love” is not blueberry, the pie is.  One revision would be “The pie, which was blueberry, was made with love.”  A better revision: “The blueberry pie was made with love.”  Misplaced modifiers generally make absurd sentences, as in “reading this play, Romeo seems silly.”  This sentence suggests Romeo is reading the play, and must be revised to “Reading this play, we find Romeo to seem silly.”  Of course, better still is “Romeo seems silly” (we know he’s in a play, and we know nothing happens in a play if we don’t read it, so why include those elements at all?).  For more on misplaced modifiers see http://owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/index.php?category_id=2&sub_category_id=1&article_id=36

fix mixed constructions

Mixed constructions occur when a writer begins with one grammatical structure, and then shifts to a second structure that does not work with the first.  For example, “Because I made two pies, and gave him one.”  There are two possible grammatical structures in this sentence.  “Because I made two pies, I gave him one,” or “I made two pies and gave him one.”  Either of these would be fine.  Mixed together they are not; that is a mixed construction.  For more examples and advice on fixing this problem see http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/confusion.htm The introductory page and page 1 of this site also has good advice and examples: http://www.srjcwritingcenter.com/clearsentcs/mixedcnst/mixedcnst.html

fix subject/verb agreement errors

Subjects and verbs have to agree in number.  For example, “He say I make great pie” is incorrect, as is “They says I make good pie.”  The correct sentences are “He says I make great pie” and “They say I make great pie.”  You probably know these rules.  But even very experienced writers sometimes have subject/verb agreement errors, since it is easy to look track of the subject as you’re writing, especially if you have a compound subject such as ” apple and peach pie.’  This problem often just requires more revisions.  If you’re liable to subject/verb agreement errors reserve one reading of the paper for a revision in which you double check all your subject/verb agreements.

fix wrong words (WW in margin)

You use a wrong word when the word you pick does not quite fit the context in which it is used, usually because of subtle differences in meanings and usage among words.  For example, “The pie was swollen with blueberries.”  You could write “The pie was stuffed with blueberries,” and maybe even “the pie swelled with blueberries” but you can’t use “swollen.”  Why?  Because “swollen”–even though it means “puffed out”–is almost always used to describe diseased or injured body parts, like a “swollen ankle.”  It sounds funny to refer to something you’d eat as “swollen.”  This problem can be tough to fix, since if you don’t know the particular difference in meaning and usage, you can’t identify the wrong word.  It is okay for someone who is good at this issue to look through your paper.  But see if you can decide what word should replace the wrong word.  Also: do not use a thesaurus to pick a different word if you are not completely sure of the particular meaning and usage of the new word.  It is fine to repeat the same word–indeed many times more desirable than to vary your word.

focus on and develop thesis through entire paper

Once you have a specific and arguable thesis, make sure that your paper develops that thesis throughout its length.  By “developing” the thesis I mean that each paragraph provides further insight or a new idea about what was argued in the previous.  But not a brand new idea!  Do not switch topics.  For example, in an essay about Romeo and Juliet in which you are discussing their gender roles, you might argue that they reverse roles: Juliet is constant and Romeo is flighty.  A first paragraph might refer to his behavior switching from Rosaline to Juliet;  A second paragraph might refer to how Mercutio sees Romeo as unsteady too.  A third paragraph might suggest how impatiently Romeo reacts to news of Juliet’s death.  A fourth, fifth and sixth paragraph might make through various means the contrasting case for Juliet’s constancy.  And your conclusion might wonder how Juliet’s final impatient suicide relates to her earlier constancy.  What no paragraph should be about is something simply new such as gender roles in Pride and Prejudice or the question of the Friar’s motives, etc. For more on this issue see http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/flow/ , http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/reverse-outline/ and http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/reorganizing-drafts/ This is a high level issue and you may also want to come see me, or go to the writing center.

greater precision about the text analyzed

In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth learns that her first “reading” of Darcy’s character is inadequate.  She is the heroine of the novel because she is able to reassess that character as she gets more information about it.  Elizabeth is really also a good writer’s heroine, because good writers like complicated characters, plots and ideas, not simple ones.  To read a good writer’s work, you need to be like Elizabeth, reading characters and events in precise detail, and especially keeping your eye out for contradictions, exceptions, and alterations from what you’re expecting.  That means you have to read carefully (think about how Elizabeth goes over Darcy’s letter about this proposal to her again and again, or discusses with Jane in minute detail and with multiple hypotheses the behavior of others) and read what you’re writing about more than once.  Beware of generalizations and simplification.  Look for this complexity both on the macro level (e.g. in the way a character behaves or how we understand that behavior) but also on the micro level (in the subtle variations in thought or tone of a particular passage).  Another way to think of this is in metaphorical terms: from an airplane, the coast looks like a straight line.  Up close we can see it’s much more jagged, full of twists and turns, inlets and promontories.  Work on getting more of that up close view, not the straight line from afar.

imagine objections to your argument and modify it accordingly

So you’ve written a draft of your paper.  It’s revision time, now.  One kind of revision involves reading the paper as if you were someone else–someone who disagreed (in an intelligent way) with the argument or with particular steps in it.  What would such a person say?  And how would you respond in kind?  Once you can answer these questions, you have two basic choices.  If the objection is truly decisive, you may need to change your thesis.  Perhaps you are arguing that the Friar admires Romeo’s love for Juliet, but as you read through your paper, you remember that he helps Romeo because he wants to bring together Romeo’s and Juliet’s families.  In this case, you’re going to need a new argument.  Often, though, objections may be true, but not decisive.  These objections help you qualify and nuance your argument.  For example, perhaps you are arguing, using Lydia as an example, that Austen does not like women’s preoccupation with romantic love.  But then you remember, as you’re reading through your argument, that Austen does not seem to represent Lydia’s bookish sister Mary very favorably either.  In this case, you have an opportunity to develop your argument in a more nuanced way.  A key word with this kind qualification is “though” (also good are “although,” “while,” “however,” “nonetheless,” “but,” and “yet,” depending on the situation).  “Though Austen does not admire Mary’s overbookishness, she spends nowhere near the time satirizing Mary as she does the romantic frivolity of her sister.”  Sometimes, as in this example, you may just want to qualify and move on.  Other times, the objection can open a whole new line of argument.  In this case, you might consider Elizabeth as occupying some sort of middle position between Lydia and Mary.  On this issue see the related topic above, “greater precision about text analyzed.”

keep argument focused and develop it through paper

See topic above, “focus on and develop thesis through entire paper”

make relationships between points more explicit

There are three strategies to make relationships between points more explicit.  First, keep in mind that just because you understand the connection between two points that you’re making, that does not mean your reader will.  You need to be explicit about connections.  Try to read your work in the revision process as if coming to it for the first time.  Imagine where you might not understand something, and what you’d need to know.  Second, use this writing strategy: repeat key terms across your sentences, to link them together.  Third, specify the relationship between points with transition words such as “although” “because,” “in addition,” “however,” “nonetheless,” etc.  For more on these last two strategies see http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/flow/ and http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/transitions/

make sure subject area is not too big for size of paper; go deep, not broad

If you pick a topic that is too big–say “love in Romeo and Juliet or “the characters of all the Bennet sisters in Pride and Prejudice–then you are dooming yourself to oversimplification (see above: “greater precision about the text analyzed”) or to vagueness and digression. You can’t say anything of enough interest and/or coherence about such large topics. (Likewise, in the exercises you only have 1.5 pages, so you can’t effectively take on two completely different texts.) Especially if you are worried that you won’t have enough to say, it can be tempting to pick a very broad topic. Avoid this temptation You may write more, but you won’t write with enough sensitivity for it to count enough. How do you narrow your topic so that you can go deep? “Romeo’s love for Juliet” is still too broad. “Romeo’s love for Juliet compared to his love for Rosaline” is also still too broad, and now you have two different loves to write about.  “A comparison of Romeo’s metaphors for his love for Rosaline, compared to the metaphors for his love for Juliet” is not yet a narrow thesis either, since it does not make an argument about that comparison.  Hence it’s still a topic not a thesis.  But it is possibly a narrow enough topic to make a promising thesis.  For more advice on this issue see the section “The thesis needs to be narrow at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/owlprint/588/ and/or download this handout.

more specific/arguable thesis

A successful thesis needs to include specific terms and it needs to be arguable.  Here’s a thesis that lacks both these qualities: “Pride and Prejudice has some good women, and some bad women.”  “Good” and “bad” are way too vague.  There are so many ways to be “good” or “bad,” and the writer needs to specify which he or she is concerned with (see also the heading above, “avoid vague words”).  And because these words are vague, they hardly give the writer anything to argue for.  Who would dispute this claim?  Remember, a thesis isn’t a good thesis, unless someone could disagree with it.  Here’s a revised version of this thesis, to make its terms more specific and its claim one that needs to be argued because it is not obviously true: “In Pride and Prejudice Austen heroines–her good female characters–are marked by their capacity to develop caring relationships with other women, while the women Austen does not like focus only on men.”  The word “good” remains, now the thesis is about what makes these women “good” in the book, and the specific terms of the thesis are “caring relationships with other women” versus “focus only on men.”  This claim might be true, but it is not obviously so.  For more advice on revising for successful theses see http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/588/01/ and http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/thesis-statements/ .

proofing errors

Ideally, you paper will contain no typographical errors.  If it has one or two well . . . it happens.  But if it has any more than one or two you have a serious problem, as it suggests you have not taken time or care with your work.  As part of the multiple revisions that any paper should undergo, the very last should be a reading only for proofing errors.  This reading should occur after you’ve done a spell check with your word processor, since spell checkers cannot identify all proofing errors (e.g. “their” vs. “there” or a missing word).  It’s a good idea to do this final proofing on a hard copy of your paper.  Cover the entire page except the first line on it with another piece of paper, and check that line for errors.  Then move the covering paper down to the next line, and so on, so you slow down and read only one line at a time.  This habit is so important. Think about how your resume or application letter for a job will be regarded if it has even one proofing error!  For more on proofing, including for higher order errors such as grammar or punctuation errors, see http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/proofreading/

quote and analyze more textual evidence

In writing about literature, the text of the literary work is the main source of evidence.  Any claims that made without presenting that evidence will completely fail to convince.  Just as an economist would never claim “the stock market tends to recover from a recession before unemployment does” without showing the historical economic data to back up this claim, so someone writing about a literary text should never write “Romeo is immature” without quoting specific moments in Romeo and Juliet that support this claim.  Further, effective quoting will typically focus on and discuss key parts of what’s quoted–its shifts in tone for example, or the particular metaphors used, that support the point made .  Don’t just quote and go on, as if the quote is self-evident.

run on sentences

Run on sentences occur when you have two independent clauses in a single sentence, without the correct conjunction or punctuation.  For help on identifying and fixing this error see https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/598/02/ (less detail) and/or http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/fragments-and-run-ons/ (more detail).

specific thesis at start of paper

Somewhere by the end of your introductory paragraph, most often the very last sentence in it, should be your thesis, the overall argument that it is the job of the rest of the paper to prove.  So make sure you do have a thesis in that place.  If you end your introductory paragraph with a fact or with a small, sub-point, your reader will be disappointed, and you will not give yourself enough to go on as you write your paper.  For tips on what a good thesis looks like, see above “more specific/arguable thesis.”

stronger conclusions; push harder on argument

A conclusion should do more than summarize your argument.  In fact, it shouldn’t do that alt all.  Rather, your conclusion should take your argument one step farther.  Ask yourself again: “why is that so”?  “Why is that important?”  These are also good questions to ask yourself at every point in your paper!  And then develop your responses accordingly.  For more on effective conclusions see http://www.sfsu.edu/~carp1/pdf/Writing%20an%20Effective%20Conclusion.pdf Also helpful is http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/conclusions/  You may be confused by advice that says don’t summarize your argument but take it farther (what I’ve asked you to do) and advise that says “don’t introduce a new topic.”  By taking an idea a step farther, however, you are not introducing a new idea; you are developing an old one.

use parenthetical citations for quotes

This one is easy.  When you quote textual evidence, always tell the reader what page it is on (or act, scene, line, if a play; line numbers and possibly page, if poetry).  Further, don’t clutter of your writing with this information.  Do not write, “On page 114 Jane meets Mr. Rochester.”  Rather, write “Jane meets Mr. Rochester (114).”   For this class since I know what edition you’re using (hypothetically, at any rate) I don’t need a full bibliographic cite at the end of the paper.  But in many other cases you do, or the reader won’t know which book to look at to find the cited page number.